I get to know her by chance. We had lunch and that is where everything started. It was on a thursday 4th dec 2008. We joked and laugh for that short 30 mins. Managed to accompany her to Compasspoint for exchange of clothing the next day. Shared a tub of ice-cream and due to my lousy planning we had to eat under a void deck . Am going to improve on that! Said something surprising to her and make her quiet for a while, lucky me , she was ok after a while -_- . Haha. Saturday 6 dec, manage to had dinner with her and company her back. Well she can't tied a cherry stalk for nuts and i did it in less than 5 mins :] Watching her trying to tied the stalk was priceless. I wanne see her do it again! Happy !

I was totally mesmerized by the way she eats. The way she talks and everything she does. I just cannot stop smiling to myself about her. . Silly as she may be . Haiz. I think i may be in love

After today, i am almost done with school. Will be working full time at Wild Wild Wet as a lifeguard and getting my advanced diver course soon. Finally i am sort of out of the studying zone for the rest of my life. I mean school as in math , chemistry and stuff. I will be constantly learning still about things that are useful in life and not some crap you learn from secondary 1 that you most probably will never ever apply in your life! Life has been soo boring ... zzz :/

Hit a wall , uncover facts , given my respects. Sometimes life just isn't far ya? Agreed, sadly.
Even the great wind is nothing compared to ants who is determined to live. Small yet powerful. I was once someone who cannot deliver a simple promise. It shall be history. I meant every single word i say. And this time it is going to be so much better and perfection is what i am working towards. You have my word :]

Principles are very important in my life. I live by it. To some people it may be rubbish but to me it is how i am going to live my life with. They are very much like rules. This is bad as it is stopping me from doing lots of things. For example getting to know someone who i am interested in. Yet unlike rules, principles cannot be bend or broken. It stays ..... unless i ..

Lots of things went through my mind recently. In fact i was wondering how i actually managed to think about so many things one after another. Lets start with the current one. I want to cut my hair till nothing is left , get a half shoulder tatoo , with my families name tatoo on me in some unknowned language. I also wanne live on some deserted island alone, cutting myself off from this fucked up world. Maybe visiting it once a year or something to see my family. Still having some random flash back. Lady luck has not been with me recently. I wonder where she has gone to. What i wanted seems to be so farway, with cork ups and all kinds of shit happening. Its is either it goes against my principle or it just seems to be belonging to someone else already. Hmm and something is missing in me. I hate politics. Especially when i am involved in it. Being neutral allows me to see more but eventually i will become in it, whether i like it or not. Damn it . I have a need. I wanne learn kendo ... anyone?

Life is so fragile , i guess no one really cares unless the one who is dead is someone closed to you. Nope , no one closed to me is dead yet not to worry. Rescuing someone from the pool from the last week of my work really makes me treasure friends and stuff. Especially when the girl is around the same age as my sister. Today my mum was complaining about my sis. She says that it is all my fault for wanting a sis. I was laughing all the way when she complains. I love my sis! She brought back the innocence that i have long seen in my family and sort of balances the tide in the family. Seriously. So naturally my mum was piss off and at the same time trying not to laugh. HA! cause i know deep inside she was just wanting us to help out with the house work and stuff. My bros and i were always fighting and stuff since young and i always wins :]. But apparently parents spoils it all but getting back at me when i win. To them big brothers are not suppose to bully them? Which means big brothers have to lose at all times. It took me a while to get what they were telling me. So now i am so glad that things are getting better now. And i think i want to get a girlfriend. I am getting so bored. Well not saying that my future girl will be my entertainment but to cover up the gap that has been empty for quite sometime now .... and it is not easy to find anyone. It seems that the harder you look the more it runs away from you, so i'm just going to take my time hopefully , she will come.

Thanks Fang Fang , Iza , Cindy and Alan for making friday such a memorable day for me :]
I wanne thank Iza! for dragging me around blindfolded all over and lots of crashing into thing haha. You guys are being appreciated. The meal was great and i will always remember the "Mermaid Breezze !" YAYAPAPAYA

Birthday :] 19

It was a pretty long day today.
At 12 am I received lots of birthday congratulations from friends and bros. I was super glad when someone special to me actually remembered my birthday haha. And also I have to give a talk to one of my buddy who is facing some personal problem. Lucky for him things turn out well in the end. I want to dedicate this post to this people for they make my day. :]
1. Leslie Lim
2. Matthias Goh
3. Hui mun
4. OngYanhan
5. Yun Pei
6. Wong Wei Xiong
7. Elaine
8. Gabriel Goh
9. Idah
10. Mabel Goh
11. Adele
12. Amanda
13. Douglas
14. Syabrina
15. Elisya
16. Yasir
17. Lu fang
18. Cindy
19. Iza
20. Alan
21. Johnny
22. Mahirah
23. Kumar
24. Jie yun
25. Xiao Cube
26. Zhong li
27. Jia Hui
28. Afiq

If I missed out anyone of you guys tell me ok?
There is just too many and I can’t remember all you guys. Thanks for everything.

Evil side of Me

Ah lee - Jesus love you
Edwind - And I love you too
Ah lee - Never! Ah lee was born by the darkside YOU go love Uncle Daniel
Edwind - I am also from the dark side Uncle Daniel needs you not me
Ah lee - I want to kill his lord
Edwind - Allow me your Dark Knight to Assist you
Ah lee - Little evil killing in the name of God
Edwind - Which in the end he will kill God Himself
Ah lee - Little evil you are a Champion
Edwind - Thank you Big Devil , champions of Champions
Ah lee - Hallelujah is the sign
Edwind - War and death is the symbols
Ah lee - House of Dead Invites You
Edwind - Together we shall ride the skies
Ah lee - And i will paint the sky with your blood tonight
Edwind - My soul will return to hell to gamble with Devil Himself
Ah lee - And sing christmas song also
Edwind - Haha ok la enough le la ...You keep making me laugh later people though i crazy
Ah lee - God is gone...
Edwind - But there is still Ah lee
Ah lee - All shall kneel by the sound of my Name!
Edwind - Oh yes great master . Your wish is my command.

Lifeguard no more.

Its kind of sad knowing that we are going to lose things that once belonged to us. In life we have to move along no matter what. I am soo gonna miss those days "We" DownTownEast Pool lifeguards had. I love you all !!

Rescue

Its been a long while now, working as a lifeguard. I remembered asking all the old birds if they have any rescue before. Finally i had one myself. It was 15 july 2008, time was 7.45pm. I saw this boy shouting for help, while his friends thought he was just playing.

It took me less than a nano second to jump into the pool, swim towards him and pull him out. Damn! Everything happens sooooo fast that i can't even believe that i just did that lol.

And after making sure he was ok , i start to realise a lot of things. Most people were not aware of the resue , meaning to say they did not realise that a boy almost drowned. Sad. And i realise that life is so fragile. So fragile.

Love Supreme

I noticed , Guys tends to be more noisy when there are girls around. This is Guys type 1. There are also some who will turn into a totally quiet person. This is type 2. Type 3 are those who will humilate others(friends or buddy, mainly to other guys) to make themself the outstanding one. Type 4 is something more unique. With the presence of ladies, they are able to do more. Example run futher, swim faster etc. Type 5 are basically filrts. No need for any futher explanation.

Now i wonder does this applies to ladies?Maybe , high probability.

Sometimes i think that life is full of "false hopes". Watching any shows , you will see that the main guy character will always get that girl who seems so far away.

But in reality will this ever happen?

I have been reflecting and dreaming. I ask myself is it ok to fight for the things we want? Even if it belongs to someone else already?

Therefore i shall do what i always do , just be a supporter. Waiting for my chance.
I have learned that waiting is not the way, once we decide we go for it.
Easy to say but it is always so hard to achieve.

Therefore i have decided , before i graduate, i will get what i always wanted.

She. Just wait and see.

Firstly i found my own Mframe . My sis took it and put in her bag . Haha cute .
This is not what i wanne blog about . I wanne say how screwed up someone is to me.
She claimed that she need money to buy stuff for sch. Yeah indeed someone as stupid as me actually believed her . She spent it on her guy instead. Fuck this man . That money is for you to eat!! Well i had enough , no more mr good GUy . YOU watch it bitch .

People often say that humans overlook what they are looking for most of the time.They miss out what the are searching for , looking far and wide for it . However the truth is it's just right there in front of us . Hmm , I wonder how true that is . Well this week i have been constantly training and studying. Quite a boring week . Oh ya working also. I'm pretty glad certain things are turning very well for me. Oh ya jazz music rox ! Happy fathers day to all dads for tomorrow haha
nights

Soon one day i will just explode . I wanne shout out loud so bad . Thanks guys for concerning about me this few days . I will be like this for a while . i need some time off man .

I am me ok ! People are asking wtf are you doing things like this? Why bother helping her ? Pls don't spike me anymore . Its just going to hurt yourself more . I am sooo going to move on . I am starting to hate someone i loved for 4 years . Really , i did nothing to bother you, so why are you liked this? Still Edwind is still Edwind :] . One day , you will know whose right :)

A New Start

School was great haha. Met new friends and stuff . Nice people they are . I have finally let you go and going to start all over again. Someone told me , what you are looking for is always 200 metres away from you . I wonder haha . Oh i am going to get myself a pet . Most probably a hamster . And i am going to call it Ebby . Sound like my name haha.

Well i still see you sometimes , whenever i go places where we always hang around . Shadows of the past and i smile to myself . Those were the days . Oh ya the trip to school sucks man. One freaking hour ride . And i always give up my seat somehow .

Oh i am scouting , for that someone new haha , hope i can be lucky wahahaha.

Wind

The final SHOUT

It will come it will come



End.

Did you know of my heart? Of the days that I spent really thinking of only you?However as my heart for you grew as much as possible , I had to have a even harder time. I had to fall into the fire.Now because I am worn out, I don't have the confidence to look at you.Yea, I hate myself too for wanting to act selfish by turning my back on you and running away.However I found out too late, when I knew that I found out that I liked you. But then it was too late, everything had changed. I, who was so poor, had lost all the confidence and strength to talk to you.But I felt awkward about myself for thinking that, that was fine like that.I really didn't know that this would be this hard until now. I realized it too late.
All of this will probably sound like an explaination to you, but my love was only you.Yea, you must know just this one thing, that there is no one who can love you as much as I.All of this will probably sound like an explaintoin to you i guess , but my love was only you.To me who is turned around looking at you,There is now more sadness. Oh baby.I can't let go of the finished love. I can't cry over the sadness. Oh girl, please...
The saddened voice of my friend washes over my heart.The ended love story that was already wrong to begin with.I can't even ask of the pain of my friend and the Sadness that I can't understand, so I sing a song. You really loved that girl who was like a flower petal, and for Her you spent a lot of time alone, preparing love? The tears that you she'd so that that one flower could bloom, could not protect the light and so the flower became dirt and blew away. As you passed the many days and nights with a sigh The last thought of decision comes to a conclusion roughly.That by no means does the end of love for her, for you come easily.Always allyou had is a love that was never granted, Meets up there in the sky as two lights.You will become a shooting star drawn in the sky and in the next life that love will surely be granted, I pray.
My friend still loves that girl.However for her, my friend says he's going to leave.When I think that this is love, I can't breathe.So my friend must still be crying.
To me who is turned around looking at you,There is now no more sadness. Oh Girl.I can't let go of the unfinished love.I can't cry over the sadness. Oh girl, please.

The Plan

Yes , i am starting school in less than a month , a mixed feeling for me. To keep myself busy, i will be preparing for the Milo Karate competition in Malaysia , learning how to use the Nunchaku and if i have the chance the Bo staff.

The situation seems pretty bad for me now , unable to able to advance or reteat. I really don't wish to be just somebody , I want to be that someone . However i have no opportunity to get to know her better . Maybe that someday will come . Wait , i am NOT Emo or what . I am just letting things out to this shit blog that may serve me as a memory in the future . To prevent myself from making the same mistakes twice ? More or less i guess.

Well this is the ninth entry for this blog . I will end it at the tenth , then this blog will be offically dead forever. The last post would most likely to be june 1st , the last day of my extended hols. Its going to be long people , a whole month sumarised into one entry. Unless the winds of change appear , i guess that will be the last of My ShoutBox :[ .

Well i've gotta move on with live , i failed twice already , this third one is gonne be a blow to me.

Hey girl pls don't say to me that you wanne be good friends with me. Thats just teasing me . Girl it's best you leave now , say good bye to me . Cause girl you should know that i ....

Lone

The return of the setback

I don't wanne run away but i can take it , i don't understand. What have i done? What did i do wrongly? I have really done my best , really ! Its ok .. i will wait . I guess all i had was just false hope. I've asked for it , people tell me in my face . True true , i am stupid enought to ask for it . I was just trying to do what i think was right. At certain points i really feel like giving up. I'm pretty exhausted right now . I hope i still can last.

Why am i doing this ? Cause i feel that i find you special. I really wanne hold and feel your touch .To me now all i can feel is rain inside me . A one hundred tonne of weights is pushing down my heart , it hurts . Well sometimes i hope i can be invisble . So i can just follow y ou quietly , making sure you are safe . Or i can be just like a shadow , always there for you but you will never notice me.

I am in no position anyway , i hate forcing people to do things. I only hope that i am have that fair chance . Once is enough . Its true i will not be giving up so soon , but once i feel that we are turning cold to one another , don't worry , cause i will back out .

Is there anyway that i can make this thing work? I really wish for some answers. Searching them myself is hard , i make mistakes . This is not good at all.

Well , i have no idea what am i suppose to do now ... i hope one day , i will get the answers.
For now , i will just go missing for a while in her life ... till i find the right time to be back.

Maybe i will find a gun , load it , cork it , and pull it for now...

Lone

The Big Brother

This is weird , i am posting in the morning again ... hmm.
Well today i did something totally off my capabilities. I have to baby sit 4 young girls. I was like great .. someboby help me! Age starting from 3, 4, 5 and 6 . The way the girls do things are so different due to the age . Even if its one year difference. I have to chase them from one end to another , worry bout them getting injured. If they do how the hell am i supppose to answer to their parents? I need to be the judge to make sure they don't quarrel over the most insignficant things . And then start chasing them over and over again .

Well its kind of tough beong a big brother in guess ..

I am starting to miss her voice again :[ . At least i know i still can get to see her sometime this week hehe. I have to prepare a little something for her , i hopes she likes it .. It is what we npcc boys love to drink . Our very own brew of lemon honey , hope that it will smoothen her throat and make her voice high again haha. (if that is what she wants).

Well i am gonna start mixing and testing the drink now , see ya!

Lonewonderer

The Overlook

Well , a great morning to everyone . I realised that i have make some mistakes in judging someone. I was wrong . And i am so glad that i am. Once again i get to hear her beautiful voice still echoing in my head . I am not going to jump to conclusions anymore . For this i apologise .

Ok back to my physical training , will be back tonight :]

Lonewonderer

The Random

Work work work ... We lifeguards have no life at all. All we do is watch people swim laps . True , we will look at the girls and say which one is hotter, which one is cute blah blah blah. But today , two of my senior , also my best buddies talked about serious stuff. Stuff like education , wife , money , work and future. Now who dare says we guys never think about the future? It is pretty stressful for us , GUYS. We have to make decision that goes a long way . Our man ego makes us wanne support our wife and family . We wanne let them have a good life and stuff. It is not easy at all. There are many routes to choose from. Our decison are all pending , waiting for that something to tell us what we should choose. Well i feel so inmature with them , but is worth it. For i learned something today ... i will think about it.

As usual i think i detect a pattern in you girl . Lol i'm not going to say what yet but i believe i will soon :] . I learn a lot from you also girl . Everytime we talk i will learn something new . I hope i have done the same to you too <3 .

I hope i can get to hear from you soon , This weekend , i really can't wait to go out with you.
Well thats all for tonight i guess , it is 0016 according to my time . Sleep well girl , you are being missed by me .. nitez

Lonewonderer

The Happy

Morning , i guess i am too excited .Well this morning has been a very rewarding one. Allow me to start from the very first thing.

I recieved three texts when i woke up. The first one made me scold myself to the max. She says that she was bored!! OMG , i am like suppose to call her to accompany her but what am i doing? SLEEPING??? Great one Edwind , your're the best man . I feel like i am such a totally idiot and such a crass. Why did i sleep so early that day? Why?? I'm sorry girl .

However, i manage to read on to the next text .Well , i feel wanted i guess . This is what it said :

"Night doesn't become beautiful with star studded Sky & Full moon ,

It becomes beautiful when You go to sleep & let the star and moon admire your innocence

Good night ."

Words cannot express the feeling i had . Cloud Nine should describe how happy i felt .
Girl i just wanne tell you this . It is ok if you don't believe in love , or you don't believe in guys.
I understand that guys are jerks sometimes , or they can't understand you better than the way your girlfriends did. However ,you know what , i'm still going to call you bluff and make a change in the way you see things . I promise this to you . I am not going to give up without trying at least 100 times. You said that i understand you better than most guys , true , its not luck or anything to do with psychology . It is just the way my heart feels for you so ya . Things are definitely getting better . Oh i think this is bad , i am starting to fall in <3 again .... hmmmm.

The last text , was not what i expected . She wanne meet me again and again. Again and again i've made things so clear but yet it is just so futile. I know we are still friends , but your effort is scaring me off . I really wish that we can just space out a little more , take a big step back and observe what is going on . Not do things on the impluse .

I must do somethime to it , allow me some time to brainstrom through all the possible solutions.

Meanwhile , today i went out with dad to have breakfast. I guess i have not been a good son . I always knew my dad wanne spent time with me , you know the man to man thing . But i am always busy doing my things . So today we finally had the time to do it , we chatted.

His friend pops by also , well this is where my story starts.
My dad , who lookes so innocent and with hardly any temper is actually someone in his past.
His friend sort of busted him ! I am so amazed . I always want a fighter for a dad. Now he is my idol haha. Nono pls don't get me wrong, its not that i wanne fight or something but i just feels proud that he is one last time but such a great father now. Oh ya , so is my grandfather ! Great the two most harmless people in my life are actually someone haha. I am so going to find out more on what they did . Picture this , an old grandpa whose first word to me is "Ah boy ar , must study hard ar , then can earn lots of money ar. Then goes off to read the newpaper ." Such a nice person .. well life is indeed full of surprises .

Time now is 11.20 am Tuesday 29 April.

Lonewonderer

The Feeling

It is a pleaseant suprise in life sometimes , just to recieve any form of acknowledgement from someone you like. It is the thing that makes all the bad times worthwhile . I ran in the rain today. It was kind of tough cause you feel cold and and not tired but the fact is that you are tired! Well did my fair share of training today. Oh man , how i miss her voice . Well hope i can talk to her again soon. I don't mind not talking at all , just letting her voice fill my head is the best thing i can every have.

She is always busy but i will still be behind her . It is ok for her not to know but i am always waiting for her . There is something i always wanted to share ... so here it is .

Oh well i'm lazy , maybe next time haha .
nitez

Lonewonderer

The Decision

When people ask me , whats the plan man? I will say , "The plan is to win". Simple . I have still one more month before my school starts . In this one month i shall train myself to be the best i can be in.

I have already decided on what to do. I shall be very relax and stuff. No pressure at all my girl :].
I am moving on with life and take things one at a time for now. I will not and never will go back to the past and repeat my mistakes anymore. Girl , i am not going to give you up that easily i promise you. Any guy or girl can come along but its ok . I will perserver . A promise is a promise you said .You may forgotten what you had said or promised . Its ok cause i'm gonna make it happen for you.

I feel that this is making me feel sick. The way i feel now is like falling into this endless pit where everything around me is nothing but void. I hope that i will reach the bottom soon .

This is weird but i miss you somehow. Your captivating smile and voice . Sometimes how i wish i can just keep it in a box where i can see and hear it everytime. Right know you are the only thing that keeps me moving i guess. I'm foolish , but i just need it , or my life now will be meaningless.
I may have lost the competition but i still managed to grap a silver for the team. I really want to give it to you ... Will i ever have the chance? This i will keep asking myself this.

The first setback

Fighting is always part of my life , losing is usually not an option for me. Today the Inter-PolIte karate competition is held at Ngee Ann poly. I was Suppose to fight the Man's Open . Due to some resaon i did not have a chance in it . Guess life's never really fair . However i do get to fight in the Guy's Team. Almost lost to this guy who uses he's body and weight to push me out of the ring. But hey , i'm no push over man . Defeated him in the end . However the rest of the team says i'm to violent??? Therefore i did not perform on my second match ... and lost .
Well i guess i'm not compose enough , not experience enough and not strong enough yet. Well i still have one more month to train and stuff . So i am sooo gonna make them regret fighting me next time.

Sometimes i really don't know what has gotten into me. I really wish that i understand how she feels and what she is thinking. I am so dissapointed in myself . Why does i have to go through all this? I do not wanne give up but what can i do? Answers ! I need them . Why lie to me? Just tell me straight in my face so i don't have to suffer in silence anymore my girl . Everytime you lie to me , my heart skips a beat . I have no mood to do anything at all. Pls all i wanne do is hold You tight, would you object if i called you mine?

This blog is purely a mere shoutbox of mine to let my feelings out . Pls whoever scumbles to this blog , keep it to yourself ya. Thanks . Nitez

Lonewonderer